AHH…NOTHING SMELLS LIKE LOW TIDE

Inhale that warm rotten egg melange unique to the Gold Coast and crane your neck skyward at the cliffs of insanity. Boasting the league’s highest outfield boundary at a staggering 1786 feet, the Quarry is a multi-purpose county sporting field continuously circled by a litany of speed-walking greaseballs. The Boss wails, “Cement grass, plastic sunsets, and a chain on every neck make our Coasters feel right at home. The endless swish-swish of track suits electrifies the air with a static charge, like an unstable gold atom with 79 overweight protons. Should any fan feel adventurous, the Quarry’s tiered seating offers an outrageously dangerous panorama.” When the Mothership’s fine wine is only a short river-hop away, why anyone would risk their life to watch this D+ stickball product is beyond us. And will somebody please fix the graffiti on the “Falling Rocks” sign? It can’t be that hard to change the C back to an R.