PRICKLY AND HURRICANE-PRONE

It’s a damn shame that for all the unbridled creativity of the Dirty $outh, they settled on this prickly hurricane-prone slab of earth and thought, “If it’s good enough for T-ball, it’s good enough for us.” Most likely the deciding factor was its immediate proximity to a local watering hole. You can barely slip a credit card between home plate and an ample-chested barmaid holding a bucket of suds. The locals wax poetic, “She can be a tricky broad, as the swirling Gulf winds turn seemingly routine fly balls into certified man-eaters that have been known to make even the most seasoned baller look like a mere mortal.” Oh, it’s windy? It’s definitely never been windy anywhere else in the world. How unique! They continue, “The occasional train will rumble along between the outfield fence and highway wall. Rumor has it the reward for hitting a moving train, which has never been done, is now up to 5 packs of Doral Full Flavors and a handle of Admiral Nelson.” Cool! Surprised they didn’t spring for Boone’s Farm. Let’s be honest, the Cathedral is winning the participation trophy every time. Nevertheless you have no choice but to give mad props to the mudpit which birthed the absolutely vital, endlessly entertaining morons of the Dirty $outh.